I'd Like a Ticket, Please

I've lost my ticket.

It was there just a moment ago, but it's gone now. And I know it's too late to look for it, I've already missed the train. A pity, it would have taken me to a peaceful and relaxing place, if not the most fun.

I need another ticket, please.

I will be graduating soon, for those who are not in the know. My grades don't allow me to continue my education in an Honours programme at my university, which is mostly the reason I'm not doing another year. I do try to tell myself and the others who ask that it's because I'm tired of studying, but of course it's a lie and I'd love to stay, if only to escape the rat-race for a while more.

And I do want to evade the rat-race for a while longer. I know what I'm like when I work, and it's not fun. I hate having fun when I work. As far as I'm concerned, working people should be miserable (making me an optimal candidate for an IT job) with horrible bosses, so that they have a challenge to rise to.

I do voluntary overtime.

So working life will be the end of this phase of life for me, I suppose. No more lazing around in my room all afternoon looking at stuff like the fleshlight(warning! not work-safe!), no more pondering my life and writing blog entries about the general state of the world.

No more philo modules.

I've always hated personality suicide.

And before I lose interest in it, atheism is in decline. Of course, there are still many people who do not believe in God, but now there are many more flavours, such as agnosticism(that's me) or spiritualism(which in it's best behaviour comes close to nihilism). And you don't have to be an atheist to sin anymore, so it's probably not as appealing as it used to be - you can still be christian or muslim or buddhist and still be gay, paedophilic or sadistic. Back when christianity was huge, you could be a rebel. Atheists used to be Lucifers in Paradise Lost, fighting romantically against the supreme fate decided on by the Creator, now they're just bores with arguments longer than an MTV.

Atheism has suffered the same fate as the religions it clamoured against - it's followers have simply lost faith. Like the 'christians' who don't attend mass or go to church, but profess to having a 'personal relationship' with God, so have atheists become 'personal unbelievers'.

I'm guilty, too, for being an agnostic. But why? Partly because I live in 'religion-tolerant' Singapore, where any strong religous view, even the strong view of disbelief, is frowned upon. Partly because I come from parents who practice the rituals for Taoist-Budddhism, but only have as much faith in it as far as it will help them strike lottery next week. And partly because the whole argument is stupid.

And that's my religous stand. The original agnostic view - the one that involves no belief or faith, only frustration. Argument about religion is stupid. It won't go anywhere. Let's just stop.