No updates in a while because I was enjoying myself at chalet for a few days before this. Played some mahjong and bridge, but my need to touch the tiles is not sated! I need more excitement from guessing based on incomplete information and my pathetic appreciation of probability! Plus winning.

Stupid stupid Alex. I've let things drag on too long... some things just weren't meant to be, I suppose. I've never really considered myself romantic, but I suppose now it's a human trait about as difficult to get rid of as... well, humanity... 'You're inhumane!' is a relativistic term, as when compared to other humans' average humanitarian standards. Hmmm... Like my Philo lecturer used to say, I'm making it sound a lot more difficult than it really is... Heuristics are seldom thought out?

The journal entries are coming less frequently, but have become longer. Am I that kind of person? All or nothing? Heh. Another seemingly extremist view, actually relativistic. I doubt I could give absolutely 'all' or 'nothing'...

I've been giving some thought to human relationships recently, and, as usual, given up. I believe all of us live with moral standards that fluctuate when applied to different people. What constitutes betrayal for one is justified when applied to his enemy. What absolute values are there? Or is it like engineering standards, which start out ambiguoug and end up with a common consensus based on jockeying for power among the key players? I'm agnostic not because I really believe there can never be a correct answer, but only because I just don't know what to trust and so I choose to accept nothing. None of the religions seem very absolute to me, and the law is about as flaky as wafer. Atheism is also rather strange, in it's constant denial of something that doesn't exist (1 really stupid argument that atheists are satanists I read somewhere - why would they bother to attack something that doesn't exist? Therefore God must and atheists must be satanists) And the majority of humans are stupid; I don't want to accept their belief systems as absolute. So? My options? Become a key player and start jockeying for authority? Or just give up and accept something like Christianity? Will I be happy? All or nothing?

Should I let myself find happiness?

I'm going through website designs like water. Nothing really seems to fit anymore and I keep trying to find something with a little bit more... umph... and as usual, interest is runnning out. Looks like I may have to find a new hobby soon.

Club affairs all dark and ominous. Nuff said. Almost finishing with my CompLink and posters. I realise, with much dismay that the only thing about my design capability that has improved is my ability to criticise. Nothing seems good anymore. Sigh. Plus just looking "nice" isn't good enough. Resorting to pseudo-meaningful catch phrases to fool those foolish enough to fall for them. Idiots.

Bad mood mostly these days, due to the awful weather. It was lovely in the beginning, when the weather warmed up and blue skies reappeared. But now the blue skies look malevolent without a cloud in sight. I want to go swimming, but I'm rather afraid of baking. Plus inner inertia is greater.

Looking for some kind of work, although with club commitments nowadays I can't do too much. A friend asked me if I wanted to sell printers at a PC show. Ah well. A new experience, at least. And I need the cash. But oh, the horror! I thought I would never go into sales...